Happiness is a choice

Happiness is a choice and if we choose to be happy, we will be. But coming from a broken relationship, being happy and staying happy prove to be a daunting task. It is a goal that takes so much will power and emotional and spiritual maturity to achieve. I am saying that I am taking charge of my happiness, yes I am... But the process is hard. Okay, that’s an understatement, IT IS VERY HARD.

Not crying, not wailing doesn’t mean that I am not hurting. After a year, I think I have already mastered the art of masking my pain with smile and laughter and indifference.  I need to show a strong stance and positive attitude for the sake of my little ones even if I don’t feel like it.  They must not see me weak or it will weaken them. They must not see me sad or it will sadden them.

I try not to dwell on the past but I know that in order to move on and free myself of my pain I need to walk down memory lane, process the feelings, understand it, completely accept my situation, and let go. But again, it’s not easy.  I bury my pain in my present without completely processing my past. This is wrong. But this is all I can do for now. I cannot do better than this, I will breakdown. I need to buy some time and build a better relationship with God and meet and mingle with more people before I’ll be able to process and let go of my pain. Right now, I am too frail and still too hurt to even try to go through the process. This is not the time to do it. 

“There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way” – Wayne Dyer