I need some pick me up

My woes continue, spirit is sagging, mood spiraling down, mind is foggy, feeling lethargic, I AM in dire need of some serious "pick me up," help!

So hard to pretend that everything is perfect with me when deep inside my heart is bleeding and I am like a volcano on the verge of exploding. I feel like I am hanging on a thread and anytime now I am going to just fall flat on my face. This is a terrible feeling. I really don’t want to entertain this because I am fully aware this is not healthy. I don’t want to admit I am depressed, but this feeling is bothering me a lot. I don’t like it at all, yet I cannot seem to control it. A song, a note, an action, a movie, something, anything reminds me how alone and lonely I am. Literally, I am not alone. Of course I have my rugrats who kind of help balance my life. But figuratively, I am alone and lonely. I don’t even have someone to talk about how I really feel. I have pretended for so long that I am fine, why start talking about how I truly feel now? Arghhh!

I have to change my thought pattern and get out of the rot I am in, have to remain optimistic. I need to, for my own sake!

“Staying positive is not about living in denial; it's about choosing the quality of thoughts that you allow to take up residence in your mind.” – Great, great, great!